Crescendo

We did it! We got married!!!

I find it hard to believe I've been a married woman for almost two months now. It has been everything I ever dreamed of and more and am happy to report that though I got mixed reports on whether it "felt different" to be married I was pleased to see that it DOES feel different. A great kind of different. I can't describe it exactly, but somehow I am not only more in love but I also feel like it is a more secure type of love. That's funny, because I didn't feel particulary insecure in love premarriage.

I don't know that I've ever smiled like I smiled on my wedding day. I swear it was a joy from the bottom of my soul that poured through my body. I wasn't nervous, I wasn't anxious, I was so at peace and so in the moment! The night before I was more nervous and everything felt sort of "out of body". I cried on the way to and at the rehearsal and then was nervous and uptight at the rehearsal dinner. When I woke up the next morning, though, I was ready to go. It was one of those crescendo moments in life! Everything for years and years of my life had built up to that moment and it was a Godly joy that I knew that this was really a religious experience. I'm so thankful to Him for the gift of our love and the gift of that day and most importantly, for the gift of His will winning over mine so many times that helped me get to that point. He knew what He was doing for sure.

So now I'm a married woman and working on my next song, my next crescendo moments and I don't even know what they are. I'm starting a new job and God has already had His hands all over me ending up at this school. There is more than one child that is linked to me in a weird way so its not like I'm starting off no where with random children, I can honestly say I'm where God put me and I feel like He picked these kids for me to work with.

If it sounds like I'm in the midst of a mountain top spiritually that's probably because I am. For the two things I mentioned above and because I have watched God be glorified through people I know and love alot lately. Through marriages and babies and miracles and even really rough times. I have watched God come through in nightmare situations and have watched people- amazing people- come out the other side as better people. I stand amazed and excited- God isn't done with those of us down here on earth yet and I can't wait to see how He will be glorified next.

A huge, long chapter of my life closed a couple months ago and this new one started. I can't wait to walk it all out and see where I end up next!

End of an Era!

Just two weeks from tonight I will finally be Mrs Gavin! I can not wait to enter this new phase of our life. For a good percent of our relationship we've discussed what this transition would look like. We have discussed what we expect of each other and ourselves, what we hope to accomplish and how me might accomplish it, and where we want to go and when we want to get there. All plans are in pencil, of course, awaiting final revisions by God. Luckily our commitment isnt in pencil and I look forward to the better and worse with him.

Years ago before I met Gavin and before I was in love or even knew I would fall in love,
I attended a young adult worship where they had several prayer stations. My favorite one had several torn up bandanas and a card instructing us to pick three strands. One strand was to represent us, one our life partner (regardless of whether or not we knew them), and one for God. We were to braid the three strands together as we prayed for our relationship. I prayed intently that God be working on my mate-wherever he was- so that when we met we could have a relationship that glorified God and that was built on a foundation of God. I hung the braid on my rearview mirror and it still sits there as my reminder that my relationship isn't between two "strands" but three. It's funny because Gavin and I were already friends at this point but not yet dating, God was busy fulfilling my prayer and getting us both ready for the right kind of relationship. One based on a foundation of Him.

Two weeks from today our three strands will be braided into one when Gavin and I finally marry. We will end our "preparing for" stage and go into our "walking out" one. An eternal process of finding what is healthy, right, and perfect
for us. I'm sure it won't be all easy, but I trust when the Bible says "a cord of three strands is not easily broken".

The end of one era, the beginning of my next!

23 Days

Time is flying! I have told everyone that the six month mark was an accellerating mark but I think the two month mark was, too. Some how May came and went in a half a blink and now I'm already at June 2.

Somehow I was blessed with two amazing showers. One was my girl friends and family and the second one was a mix of bridal party and Gavin's buddy's/spouses and our parents, of course. Both were so fun and we were given some awesome things! My everyday dish set is just about complete! I am overwhelmed by the generosity of our family and friends.

Two dress fittings are done and I'm looking forward to fitting number 3 because this time I'm getting my hair done before I go!

Today is my last day watching Emily so my summer officially starts tomorrow. Hopefully I'll be able to get my house clean before I have to tackle the wedding to do list. My list is much shorter these days and really, I'm not keeping up with the list my mom is. I'll let her stress about it, I'm choosing to be excited and look forward to all that is coming.

Twenty three days!! Ahhhhh!!

Mushy Mush!

50 days until THE day! I remember it was like five minutes ago that we were at day 100 or day 150. Time is just flying right on by!

I will be honest with you- I have transformed from a strong-willed, silly girl to a mushy, overly emotional MESS of a girl! I have multiple melt downs weekly over the most rediculous things! I'm not talking about only negative things, even good things can bring me to tears an that is NOT ME!

I would blame the stress of the wedding but I'm really not stressed about it, I'm just really looking forward to it!

I will say in this mushy mess I am more in love with Gavin then ever. I love that he supports and loves me unconditionally. I feel like I have no bigger fan than him. I can say without a doubt I feel all the ways about him that he makes me feel.

I can not wait to meet him at the end of the aisle and then come back up it as husband and wife.

Easter

I'm so thankful for Easter!

I have been sitting in this chair for at least an hour listening to my iTunes playlist labled "God songs" and typing...

I have typed out two really long, really detailed blogs both of which I deleted. Ha! I love Easter and in wanting to share my excitement I probably was on the verge of talking too much. Now I'm probably going to be a little less focused... sorry!

I will shorten it down greatly to say that I am humbled by God's love and forgiveness of our sins.

A friend of mine once said on her facebook status "Even Jesus was betrayed, why should I assume I wouldn't be?"

God is betrayed constantly by our disobedience and sin. Think of the worst things we do! Think of the things on the news! Think of all those things that we hear about in the day and say "I just can't imagine how someone would do that"... then think about the fact that they, we, have already been forgiven for it.

It's already done!

It took me years to forgive the people I felt truely betrayed by and I can't even imagine if I ever had to fogive them again. I don't know that I could... and yet... I've asked God to forgive me of my sins. And then the next day, I had to ask him again. And every time I've asked, he's said okay.

I'm humbled. God is so much greater than my understanding and his forgiveness so much greater than my deserving.

I was privildged to get to explain to someone the other day "what the big deal is with Jesus dying on the cross". It had never been explained to them the relationship with sacrifices and all the legalism of the old testiment. I hope I was able to explain it in a way that they understood... I guess at least I got to plant the seeds.

Another quote I found a few years ago, "Being a luke warm Christian is like saying 'yes, I believe in God, I'm just unimpressed by his work'".

Easter is a good time to really remember what was so impressive about it!! You try forgiving those who betrayed you and saying and believing "Forgive them Father, they know not what they do" as you pay the cost of their sin, its not as easy as Jesus makes it look!

No naked wedding for this couple.

Today I got the call I've waited MONTHS for. My dress is in! The closer I get to the wedding the more frequent my dreams become of forgetting one thing or another. Be it veil or marriage license, I'm only destraught in those dreams for a second before we devise a plan to overcome the situation. At least now I won't have the dream where my dress doesn't come in on time... because its here! I am just sad that my mom is out of town because the one person I wanted to call the most today to celebrate with I couldn't. Fortunately I was with Gavin and he cheered with me in the car and I had plenty of friends to text and brag to.

The invites are now half addressed. I only do a few a night to try to keep my handwriting top notch and I still have more than a month before I mail them out. Next months starts the "finalization" stage of planning. I need to meet with the DJ, florist, and baker to finalize those details. I will start the fittings of my dress and I will reserve the guys tuxes. I'm getting so close!!!


Tonight is my last night in the triple digit count down... tomorrow will be double digits. Time has flown! I hope it continues to fly because I am so ready!!

"The Marriage"

I really am having a good time planning this wedding. I feel like I probably don't share it with my friends as much as I always imagined I would, but its because I worry about boring them to death with details. This blog has helped me have some place to talk about it without feeling as obnoxious, although I do recognize some may be rolling their eyes or even worse, purposfully avoiding my page.

In the midst of all this planning, though, I haven't forgotten the most important thing I'm planning which is a family. It feels funny to think of a family as just two people, but that is what we will be... a family of two. Its funny to think of all the little decisions that go into making this family.

Recently I was talking with a friend about what all we still call our moms about- how to get out stains, cook certain foods, fix household problems, solve social crisis...what would I do without my mom? In addition to this, I was watching Teen Mom (I know, I just outted myself on this, sorry, but the side of me that enjoyed psychology classes also enjoys watching these kids) and the teen dad says something to teen mom along the lines of "You're the mom, you have to be strong" and it got me thinking. I'm almost the wife of the family. The alpha female. Weird.

My mom has been training me since I was a child on how to be a godly wife. Her and my dad have been a great example to me for what love should look like. On the other hand, Gavin's parents did the same for him and were his example. What a blessing this will be for marriage.


Life isn't perfect and as much as I like to think Gavin and me are, we probably aren't always going to be. I am so thankful of this year that I've had to plan a wedding that will celebrate the years of mine and my families lives that have been put into planning a marriage.

Checkity, check, check, check!

Well I am basically dominating my wedding to do list. Gavin says after the wedding maybe I should open up some kind of wedding business because I'm so good at this- see why I'm merging him?! Anyway, here are some checks off my list...

- Menu planned!!
Only the best for our friends and family and by best I mean our favorites. Ha! We have a chicken, a beef, and a vegetarian. Oh and we have cake, but that's old news.

- Figured out the layout of the room
Thank God I'm merging a math man because x amount of tables holding y amount of people and blah blah blah was over my head. We got to see the site with no people there and it really helped me visualize it all. Cake table here, gift table there, and here... Here's where I dance with my husband for the first time. Excited!

- Programs and menus
Okay I only get a half check for this, but I began designing both of these. I will not be using the expensive paper shop this time I'm breaking out on my own. I'm confident no one will be able to tell!

- Unity candle and card box
Finished decorating them! Wish I knew how to put up pictures

-Scripture and songs
I have picked these for the ceremony!I need to take with the praise band and clear these choices to finalize them so maybe it's a 3/4 check.

-Rehersal And Bridal luncheon sites picked
I don't get credit for either of these. My fabulous mother in law and mom get the credit. Exciting for me non the less!!!

- Signed up for dance lessons!!!
Gavin, me, our parents, and his sister and fiancé all are taking a month long course in April. This is high high high on my list of things I'm most looking forward to.


I'm really enjoying the wedding planning. Online sites and wedding magazines keep telling me how to get rid of my wedding stress... But I really don't have any! The only thing that frustrates me is the waiting for the day. It just isn't coming fast enough!! Gavin let's me talk about all the girly frilly details and acts excited and tells me how fabulous it all is. He is my best friend.

I am enjoying having this blog to brag to. I don't have to feel guilty for going on and on about the wedding because I'm not forcing anyone to read it. Ha! To those who read it anyways- thanks!!! I owe you a long, boring read :)

Life

Well... life is funny isn't it? My life is just trucking along just fine but one of my friends has a broken heart and it makes me blue. I'm listening to a 50/50 mix of broken heart songs and worship songs. I guess it's my way of having a pity party and still remembering that this is a little thing in the scheme of things. Having had a broken heart before, I sure do hate to see my friends walk through it.

I had today off work and no one else in the universe did so I had a lot of peace and quiet to work on wedding stuff. I've painted a box for people to put cards in at the wedding and it will make it easy for us to store it later. I have a few more coats of paint to do, it was originally brown and I'm making it white. I will probably add some ribbon as well. I like it.

I also am working on a unity candle set. It turns out to buy a unity candle that is listed as such is about $10-20 more than to buy and decorate one. And the stands are much more expensive if they hold all three candles together. I think mine will still look good.

I like when these spurts of craftiness come! My card box is $30 less than the one I saw at Mardels that I would have bought if I didn't have the urge to make it.

I'm glad time is going so fast. I can not wait to be Gavin's wife! I can not wait to blog about the little things going on at our house and about the excitement of home improvement projects (which I assume will be what I will work on when I no longer have stuff to make for the wedding). All these depressing songs and talk of wedding has me missing Gavin (who is in the other room playing video games) so I'm going to jump off the computer. Can't wait to see what excitment I have to post about next time... something that is undoubtedly only really exciting to me :)

Just Another Day in Paradise

Well when you are in a relationship you share everything- that includes stomach bugs. Last week I caught a bug and this week I shared it with Gavin. We took turns being the ones to bring the sprite, soup, and fever reducer and it worked out pretty well (all things considering). Gavin returned to work so hopefully that pesky bug has found another couple to entertain.

In the midst of the sickness wedding planning continued. I picked out and ordered some ear rings for the day of (my ears aren't pierced but I'm hopeful these clip ons will look nice). I also gave the final okay of the invitation design so they are being printed and assembled as we speak. And we set our appointment with the caterer to make menu choices in a week and some days. Just over five months to go! Oh and Gavins parents have been disussing the rehearsal dinner, too. So it's all coming together nicely!

The preschool proposal is being brought to two committees this month which makes me nervous and excited all at the same time! I'm just still praying God's will on this and looking forward to what he has in store!

So that's where I am and what I'm up to. This year in particular is such an exciting blessing! My own little paradise!